DR BAZBRAINS’ BATTLE AGAINST GRAVITY

Once upon a time, on a dark, sunny night, in a cold, heated laboratory, Dr Bazbrains was sniffing his hamster. (Namely Russell Jack the third).
Dr Bazbrains was throwing his armpits at Russell Jack when he wondered why things fall over, like Elouise on vodka.
Whilst pondering this, he suddenly jumped up and stuck his teeth into the floor.
He pulled out a tile.
The tile said “Ouch!” and fell apart.
Thus making a hole in the floor. Dr Bazbrains pulled three more tiles out using a confused banana. Thus making the hole bigger.
He tried to shove his cooker in the hole. The hole said “Screw you!” and ran away.
Dr Bazbrains checked on his hamster with the banana. Russell Jack was dead. But out of the banana popped a magic monkey!
“I can grant you two and a quarter wishes!” Shouted the monkey.
“Why not three wishes?” Asked Dr Bazbrains.
“I ran out of paper…..”
“Very well then.” Replied the Doctor. 
“I wish that my name was changed to Fnar, my laboratory would explode and I wish to eradicate gravity!”
“Slanted! I mean granted!”
1, 2 and …. Poof! Dr Fnar’s wishes were granted.
He flew down to the roof of the building where he saw a giant toad. He frobbed the toad, before realising it was haunted!
“Ribbit!”
“Aaargh!”
In his shock, Dr Fnar forgot to eradicate gravity and instead fell off the building.
“DAMN! You win again, gravityyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy”
He landed in a vat of cheese.
He quickly pulled out his Orange phone (which was actually an orange) and dialled 
1

2

!
A van appeared. The number plate read “Clang!”
“Number plates shouldn’t speak! Yelled Dr Fnar, auspiciously.
Postman Pat climbed out of the van which was actually a chicken.
“May I help you?” He asked.
“No because I am dead.”
“Well frob you.”
Said the Postman.

THE END.